Drank - for when you want to fall asleep at the party

Have you ever found yourself at home wishing, "gee, what I really need right now is something that *tastes* like robitussin and seltzer, and sort of acts like it, but won't make me disassociate" ?

Well, me either, but somebody out there is in luck! Today the anti-energy drink Drank hits the shelf. It's basically grape soda with valerian root and melatonin, modeled after the cough syrup cocktail that killed DJ Screw in 2000.

It sounds revolting, but I'm sure there will be skinny kids with bad haircuts weaving their way through the streets of Williamsburg, bragging about how they are all Dranked out. In my perfect world, these kids would run into a gang of Sparks enthusiasts and they would have a rumble in coordinated orange and purple jumpsuits.